Dali visits Grendon Manor

It was the 14th of August 2009, a warm and balmy night when Grendon Manor, near Bromyard in Herefordshire became the latest place to experience Salvador Dali.

Having driven down the very long drive to a field next to the manor, Dali saw a huge marquee, this must be the place he thought. Inside were the good folk of Bromyard and its surrounding, raising funds for the local church as well as other good causes.  By 9.00pm there were about 150 people waiting for the ‘entertainer’.

There were not expecting Salvador Dali.  He strode in and announced himself in Spanish, jaws dropped at the sight of the world’s most eccentric artist. Soon his life was unfolding before them like a Pandora’s box  of genius, madness and very weird art. People began to rush to the front to become characters well known to Dali, these people were very bizarre. Some staggered around on one leg, others, while reciting indecipherable surrealist ideas, ran around flapping their arms. The audience laughed so much they could barely control themselves.

As Dali brought the evening to a close the audience rose to their feet and cheered. For a moment Dali was taken aback, but eccentric genius’s are rarely overwhelmed. He simply turned and strolled out into the night amidst a blaze of lobsters.

Dali and Hens

The boss of  Guestwho? tells me today of a possible new event. He wants me, Salvador Dali, to recreate my life for a hen party! Is this man mad! I don’t do chicken coops! He throws his hand in the air,  ‘Salvador, Salvador’, he cries ‘a hen party is a group of girls, out for a good time, before one commits to marriage.’

I will never understand you English. Why do you call your las mujeres jóvenes, hens – they are such stupid creatures.  A woman should be idolised. Like the goddess Venus.

He then tells me these hens also want me, Salvador Dali, to conduct a life class. To teach them how to draw a figure. He expects me, the greatest painter of all time, to do this.

The last time I was in a life class I was a student at the Royal Academy in Madrid.  The other students were struggling, the professor went to each one and corrected their drawings to look like a woman. He came to me and gasped in astonishment, amazed at my genius, overwhelmed by vituosity.

For a few seconds he was speechless, then he said, ‘Salvador, why have you drawn a fish!’
‘Is it not obvious,’ I replied, ‘It is simple, she looks like a fish!’

Salvador Dali