Warhol’s Present

Met the boss of Guestwho? today for an ice cream sundae. I gave him a present . Man it was cool! Not sure he knew what to do with it, but I’m sure he’ll remember today and me of course. The present was chihuahua, which I gave to him in a paper carrier bag. The little mite looked so cute in its pink waistcoat.

He wants me to do a party for a group of people in Wales. Not quite New York, but what the hell. He asked me whether I could give them a great time? Does this guy realise I am the party animal? Gee. it will be so cool.

Andy Warhol

More Women for Picasso!

Just before Christmas I was in Hereford, doing  my bit in a restaurant named after my compatriot, Miro. Why they named it after him rather than me, I shall never know. Still, I suppose the English have their reasons. About 40 people were having a celebration, they had just finished dessert when I breezed in and announced myself, as I usually do, as the greatest painter of all time. They were surprised, but after they had got over their shock, they were more than happy to help me tell the incredible story of my  life.

As you know I am a passionate, volatile person. I love my art and I love my women, they are my inspiration. As the evening progressed the women of Hereford played their parts well and we had lots of  fun. The men, well  played their part too.

But I digress. They begged me to draw, so I did. I showed them how to draw a face as though it was looking in different directions. They did well, not quite as good as the greatest painter in the world of course, but they’d had a few drinks. Nevertheless, I thought the best one deserved a prize.

It was a great evening.  I liked the English señoras.

Pablo Picasso

Dali and Hens

The boss of  Guestwho? tells me today of a possible new event. He wants me, Salvador Dali, to recreate my life for a hen party! Is this man mad! I don’t do chicken coops! He throws his hand in the air,  ‘Salvador, Salvador’, he cries ‘a hen party is a group of girls, out for a good time, before one commits to marriage.’

I will never understand you English. Why do you call your las mujeres jóvenes, hens – they are such stupid creatures.  A woman should be idolised. Like the goddess Venus.

He then tells me these hens also want me, Salvador Dali, to conduct a life class. To teach them how to draw a figure. He expects me, the greatest painter of all time, to do this.

The last time I was in a life class I was a student at the Royal Academy in Madrid.  The other students were struggling, the professor went to each one and corrected their drawings to look like a woman. He came to me and gasped in astonishment, amazed at my genius, overwhelmed by vituosity.

For a few seconds he was speechless, then he said, ‘Salvador, why have you drawn a fish!’
‘Is it not obvious,’ I replied, ‘It is simple, she looks like a fish!’

Salvador Dali